Fear.

Tornadoes terrify me. I've always been terrified of them. Not that it really matters. I've never really been anywhere tornadoes are common.

Leaving for college was a scary prospect. I didn't know how it would turn out, and I spent a lot of time thinking about how things would go, and trying to plan what I wanted to happen.

Being at the Grand Canyon, getting anywhere near the edge (where it had railings) was a challenge. I wanted to take a picture looking straight down. It should've taken me 10 seconds to take. It took at least 20 times that.

Fear is a really funny thing, if you think about it. It's usually pretty irrational. I shouldn't be scared of tornadoes since they don't happen where I live. College should've been exciting to look forward to. I shouldn't have been scared of the edge since there was railing. But I was.

Fear got me thinking. What is it that really scares me? What is it that I'm so terrified of that it becomes near disabling?

You what I discovered? It's uncertainty.

Uncertainty of when or where a tornado will hit.

Uncertainty of what will happen at college.

Uncertainty of how far down the canyon goes, and whether or not I'd be clumsy enough to trip and fall.

Uncertainty in circumstance.

Uncertainty in the future.

Uncertainty in myself.

I've always thought that I'd much rather live in a hurricane prone place than a tornado prone place, and at first it doesn't make sense. Hurricanes are much more powerful and devastating. Tornadoes are quick and fleeting. But, in context of the fact I'm afraid of uncertainty, it makes sense. You know when a hurricane is coming, usually with a few days warning. Tornadoes pop out of nowhere. You don't know where to expect them.

With the Grand Canyon, it's the fact that I can't see straight down the edge until I'm right there at the edge. I didn't know what it was, and it frightened me.

I'm the kind of guy who likes having a plan and sticking to it. One of the things that bothers me most is having a plan, but then doing something different. Because it's uncertain. With a plan, I know what to expect.

Likewise, I like doing things myself. Because I know myself. I know exactly what I can expect. I know pretty much how it'll turn out. Put that in the hands of someone else, and suddenly I can't be so sure. Not that everyone else isn't capable, but I don't have direct control, so there's an element of uncertainty.

This year, God has been teaching me a lot about my fears. It's not that they're silly or ridiculous. But it's that He trumps them.

When I'm scared that I'm going to screw up, I know God has promised that I am a loved son.

When I'm scared that my plans are going to fall apart, I can depend on God's promise for plans greater than any I can dream up.

When I'm scared of circumstances working against me, I can trust that God is sovereign.