Me.

I like to be in control. I realized that the other day. I don't like being in control for the sake of power, but because somewhere inside me, I feel like I'm better at x and so I can assure the best outcome if I'm in control. And, if I can't assure the best outcome, at least, since I'm in charge, I know what to expect. There's nothing that terrifies me more than not knowing what to expect.

Tim Barnes.

Tim was my junior high youth pastor, my senior high youth pastor for a year or so, and has been a great friend ever since. I've met with him pretty regularly over the past three years to just talk about life. Tonight, I was able to talk with him on the phone and share about this past semester. It made my day, to say the least. I truly appreciate him and his encouragement.

Diversity.

Does it really matter? I know some friends who seem to think that lack of diversity is something to be concerned about. But I'm not sure I agree. I feel like groups of people hang out based on common interests. Oftentimes, it happens that shared interests are shared by people of the same ethnic or racial background. So, in a way, people segregate themselves, only it isn't based on race, it's based on interests. And, if you make a group diverse, then it becomes unnatural and forced, and I think that's worse than a natural lack of diversity.

So when is it a problem? I think it becomes a problem when it is based on race, ethnicity, social standing, wealth, etc. Then, it really is segregation. Also, I think it's a problem when it becomes exclusive. The groups I know that seem to lack diversity aren't opposed to welcoming in anyone. When people start getting rejected, it starts becoming an issue.

What do you think? Is diversity to be sought after?

Superiority.

So, I tend like being better than other people at thing. Who doesn't? It feels great to be the best.

Anyways, over thanksgiving break, I went back to the Donatos (pizza place) I work at and there were several people who I hadn't met yet. I really wanted to just tell them I had worked there all summer and knew what was what. I figured they were probably newer and less experienced than I. And, seeing as we hadn't met, it was possible they might mistake me as newly hired and try to tell me how to do things. (Oh, the horror.)

I ended up closing with the other driver who I hadn't met yet. We talked a little bit and I asked how long he had worked there so I could totally and selflessly have a chance to stick in how long I had worked there before he could start telling me what to do. And he didn't even really care. He was just like "cool".

And here's the kicker: I hadn't closed in a long time and forgot what all needed to be done. So, I ended up asking Albert what he needed me to do. And there was something in the way he responded, respectfully and humbly, that put me at ease and let me listen to him. I didn't mind doing what he told me, despite my intense desire to exert my supposed experience.

If I think about it, isn't that the kind of leader I should be? Humble and respectful? Yet, I often become consumed with trying to be the best that I probably alienate others by forcing them to acknowledge me as superior in some fashion. It's like I make life a contest and I have to be first.

For example, I don't understand Russell Crowe's character in Gladiator. He was supposed to be emperor, ended up a slave, and doesn't try to gain his rightful position. I would not stand for that, yet he takes it in stride.

Hopefully my diction here is excessive and I don't fail that horribly at all of this. But I'm sure it comes through. And it is something I should work on. So, call me on it. If I start trying to show off how I think I'm better at something, and it really doesn't matter, let me know. Cause it isn't biblical. I should consider myself no better than any other man because we're all fallen and all sins are equal. And we are to encourage and uplift one another, not tear down for personal pride.

A major decision.

I declared my major today! (Get it? The title is a pun!) I am now officially a Physics BS with a math minor (and by the end of spring, a part of UNC-BEST). It's exciting and terrifying. While I like having plans, I don't like not having much of a chance to change my mind. And with the classes I'll have next semester, I will either be way behind on some random major, or well on my way to a Physics BS. That scares me. What if I change my mind? What if the classes are too hard?

I guess more than I like having plans for the future, I like having security in my future, and while declaring my major definitely qualifies as plans, it doesn't ensure security.

Let's just hope I still have a life for the rest of college in the midst of all the science courses.

Evil.

I largely consider the existence of evil to be dependent upon free will, because surely a good God would not do evil. But, it is a consequence of our free will. For choosing God to be significant, there must be another option that we could have chosen. Yet, not all 'evil' can be attributed to humans. What about hurricanes, tornadoes, and other natural disasters?

Now, while this is closely related to suffering, that is not what I want to address. I believe suffering exists in the world because evil exists in the world. The root is evil, and I want to know why, when free will isn't involved, does evil exist?

Surely, this isn't a very well developed theory because I just now considered it. But, it's something to ponder.

Death.

I have a simple question: is death beautiful?

Now, I'm not trying to be emo, so let me explain. I considered this the other day as I walked around taking pictures of fall. Trees turning colors is so magnificent. I love it. So, why isn't human death equally beautiful? For Christians, it marks moving on to heaven. Funerals touch on that, but it's overshadowed by the loss of that father, mother, son, daughter, or friend.