Facebook Note.

I wrote this note on facebook a while back. It's just 16 random things about me, and most of them still hold true today.

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The Bird and the Bee Sides


1) I am a Christian. I do my best to live my life like Christ (Mark 12:30-31) and I find my identity in being a Christian. It affects my decisions on most everything. For instance, the biggest choice it's influenced - where I go to school. Not a lot of people know this, but I was homeschooled until 8th grade. In 8th grade I switched to public school because I wanted to have the chance to talk to people about God, something I didn't really have a chance to do because all of my friends were from my church. It is who I am. I'm not a guitarist, I'm not a student, I'm not [fill in the blank], I'm a Christian. And I have to thank my parents, Tim Barnes, and Russ Everett for helping instill that in me.

2) The title of this is not as completely random as you might think. It's because I was tagged in Marisa note which was titled 'MmHmm..." which is a Relient K album title. And so is "The Bird and the Bee Sides." What does this have to do with some thing, fact, habit, or goal? I'm not random. I almost always plan everything. Even when I'm spontaneous, I'm really not. I planned that at that point I would be spontaneous. It's not something I like or dislike about myself. It's nice to be able to be planned about stuff, but I sometimes wish I would be that person that just randomly jumps up and does the crazy thing that makes everyone laugh.

3) I love being around people. And not just being around people cause I wouldn't enjoy being in a room full of strangers as much as I would in a room with two friends. So I guess it would be better put that I love being around friends. Friends are really the second most important thing for me in life. First it's God, then it's my friends. I enjoy being alone every once in a while, but 90% of the time, if I have free time, I want to be with friends.

4) That being said, I overreact about stuff in friendships. If we're friend we don't talk for a couple of weeks, and I've been texting or calling with no response, I get really hurt. It doesn't matter what the real reason is, I feel like you're trying to avoid me or that I did something and now you hate me. It's fairly irrational, I know, but it's my personality. It's cause I really care about the people I consider my friends. I love my friends. And I hate to feel like I'm losing or have lost one.

5) I get insecure about how I'm doing. I thrive on, I need, people's encouragement/affirmation/compliments. If I play guitar for worship one night and mess up at a couple parts, and then no one says anything to me about the set, I feel like I failed miserably. I know I messed up and I assume that everyone noticed I messed up and doesn't want to make a comment. And I'm really weird – if I know I messed up and too many people tell me I did a good job, I feel like I'm being patronized because people know I did bad and don't have the heart to tell me, so they're just being nice. What it comes down to though, everything aside, is that I need words of encouragement. To paraphrase Mark Twain, "I can last three months on a good compliment." That is very true for me.

6) I love my parents. It seems really odd because I know a lot of people who never get along with their parents, most of my friends actually, but I've never had that. I know beyond doubt that my parents love me. I know by the little things they do. If I've had a long day, I've been gone for like 14 hours, I'll come home thinking that I'll still have to do my chores when I get home. Then I'll walk in the door and see my dad finishing up my chores and my mom making me dinner. And like today even – my parents knew I've had several long days and today was going to be another one, so they told me to just skip school and sleep in. And yesterday my dad, who had gone to bed later than I had, got up before me to make me breakfast. And now I'm crying, describing all of this. Because I'm always gone. There are days when I'm so busy I don't even get to see my parents at all. But I know they love me. And I know I can always go to them with anything. There are few times when we don't get along. I'm really going to miss them when I'm off at college.

7) I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm spilling out all my feeling in a facebook note that anyone can read. It's not always the best thing, but its me. It helps me be real with people.

8) I mentioned this a minute ago, but I'm always busy. I like helping people. I feel like it's the little bit I can do. Thus, it's hard for me to ever say 'no' to people. And then I end up being away from home from 7 in the morning to 10 at night. Which I don't really mind, since I enjoy being out with people and I enjoy doing different things, but too much stuff and life gets really hectic.

9) I love music. I love dancing. I love anything that has multiple people in time together to create something beautiful. That's why I love playing guitar – because I feel like I am connecting to everyone in the band on a deeper level, like we're thinking with the same mind, and as a result creating a song that others can enjoy. That's why I love dancing – I feel like I'm connected to whoever I'm dancing with since we're moving in rhythm, together, again like we're of one mind. On the other side of that, I hate it when the band doesn't play together or when we're dancing out of step.

10) I am an ESFJ. (Extroverted, Sensor, Feeler, Judger, - Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Look it up if you want to know what it means, unless you already know of course.)

11) Math is my favorite subject. It’s nice because there is always the right answer. In English or History you have some questions that have answers that are ambiguous. In Math, there’s right and there’s wrong. It’s black and white – no grey area. Too much of life consists of grey areas. I like it when there’s something simple like math.

12) I’m going to deviate from things about myself to a goal/dream. When I’m older, like 50-60, I want to have a pilots license, a Cessna, and a private charter business. I think that would be awesome. I want to be a pilot, and to have my own plane would be amazing. And to fly as my job would again be amazing.

13) I have four super awesome extremely amazing friends who I’ll never lose. It’s with those four guys that I’ve made many movies, played countless hours of video games, shot incessantly with airsoft guns, gone camping and nearly killed ourselves blowing up a soupcan, and a lot of stuff I can’t write here. I’m sworn to secrecy.

14) I am almost always moving. Tapping my foot, clicking my pen, tapping on the desk, something. I don’t know why exactly, I just do. Just habit.

15) I enjoy writing (or at least trying) to write music. It’s my way of journaling. And it’s good cause it can give closure for stuff but then again if I go play this song I wrote, I’ll start to feel like I did when I wrote that song. But I really think of it as more like 8th grade level poetry with a couple chords attached. But if you want to, go here to check out some stuff I’ve recorded.

16) Stuff I wear is significant to me in one way or another: The bracelet on my left wrist is from Peru and was given to me by my sister. Whenever I look at it I think of her. Bracelet on my right wrist used to be a necklace with a cross on it that I got from Operation Warm-Up. It helps me remember how God can work through me. The necklace I wear is an ancient Celtic Rune that mean ‘victory in competition’ and I got it when I was in San Diego this past summer.

Encore.

"An extra or repeated performance; usually given in response to audience demand"

At every concert I've ever been to, the last band (the headlining band) has given an encore song performance. It seems like it's a joke that a band wouldn't plan for it. Crowds expect it. The bands walks off stage and the crowd begins chant "one more song", but all along, band and audience know that there's another song to come. They're just going through to motions.

Why?

Why do we always expect to get another song? And why do we get it? Since we know it's coming, wouldn't it make more sense for the band to go ahead and play it with the rest of the set? Why make them walk off stage just to come back on?

I guess what really irks me here is that at the concert last night, the middle band got the "one more song" chant. The audience wanted to here another song, but I don't think they expected it. It wasn't the headlining band, they were just that good. And you know what? They didn't play an encore song. They just started hauling gear off stage so the next band could set up.


Maybe this makes sense to you. But maybe you don't see the point. And if you're the latter, it's simply that sometimes I think it's worthwhile to question why some things in the world are the way they are, and I think this needs questioning. Will it change? Probably not. But it's worth noticing.

Discomfort.

I've known for a long time that to me, discomfort sits right at the base of my neck. I used to take karate, and whenever I talked to my instructor, I had a hand on my neck as if it were holding on for dear life. I was uncomfortable, nervous, and intimidated. I didn't know then that it was why I was holding my neck - I'm not sure I even realized I was until my dad pointed it out once.

More recently, I've realized that as I have thoughts of things I don't like, or start feeling uncomfortable, it stills sits right there and I'll twitch to make it go away.

Anyways, I'm not sure if that's strange to have a physical location attached to discomfort, but that's me. I'm sorta strange sometimes.

Smoking.

Over winter break, two of my friends started a big chapter of their lives. They moved to Texas to begin the pursuit of their dreams. It was a big deal. My guy friends from Charlotte (we refer to our group as "the guys") all got together to see them off.

After they left, there were two remaining guys and myself. They were both smoking, so I said I'd go ahead and have one to. It was probably my fourth cigarette over the course of about four years, and I really doubt it'll have much, if any, affect on my health. I think second-hand smoke has probably done worse things to me.

Anyways, I really enjoyed it. I knew I would - for some reason it appeals to me. It's disgusting, and as a habit would probably kill me, but I enjoy it.

You know what I don't enjoy? After the fact. We went to Chick-fil-A right after that and I got chicken nuggets. Every time I raised my hand to my mouth to eat another nugget, I caught a whiff of my fingers where I held the cigarette and it was revolting. I started eating with my left hand. Driving home from Chick-fil-A, I was certain that the smell of smoke permeated my clothes. Whether it really did, I don't know, but it had checking my jacket every couple minutes. I didn't want to smell like smoke. I didn't want everyone I met to catch a whiff and think I'm a smoker. There are connotations there that I don't want to be associated with. And I had tried to get the scent off of me - I went and washed my hands several times. I would've febreezed my clothes if I had any. But I couldn't get rid of it til I washed my clothes and took a shower.

You know what else I realized? That's a perfect example of how I tend to deal with sin.

Sin comes around, and I indulge. I enjoy it. I know it's disgusting, and as habit it would kill me, but I enjoy it. I remember the last time I enjoyed it, and know I probably will again, forgetting about what happens afterwards. Then, when it is afterwards, I try as hard as I can to run from what I just did. I do everything I can on my own so I'm not revolting to myself. I do everything I can to escape the connotations of being a sinner. But I can't get rid of it. It follows me like the stench of a cigarette. That is, until God's forgiveness washes over me like gallons of fresh water and I emerge anew, with the wonderful scent of His glory.

How long do I wait, scrubbing my hands in a dirty bathroom sink, before I let myself be engulfed entirely by Your cleansing grace?

Traffic Sources.

So, I have Google Analytics watching my blog so I can sort of see where my traffic is coming from. I'm pretty sure it's set up to where I have to give readers access, but apparently I'm wrong. After glancing at the country/state breakdown, there were a bunch of hits from North Carolina and few from Florida, which is expected. But then, it shows a bunch from California, a few from New York, three from Brazil, and one from the Netherlands. Totally unexpected. Awesome, but surprising.

Anyways, I'm glad people enjoy reading my thoughts (at least I'm guessing that's why you keep coming back, though perhaps you're into masochism) and if you're one of those people from around the world that surprised me with your visit, welcome! I'm happy to have you here.

Relient K.

I love the band Relient K. They're music cuts straight through me. It reflects some of my deepest emotions, good or bad, and at the same time it's a comfort because it shows that someone else knows exactly how I feel.

You should listen to the "Forget and Not Slow Down" and "The Bird and the Bee Sides" albums. It's good stuff.

So what did you get?

It's a little sad the most frequent question around Christmas is so self-centered. Everyone wants to know what everyone else got. It's all about you and your stuff.

I wonder how different the holiday would be if, instead of reflecting on our stuff, we reflected on what we gave others, or how Christmas affects us today. Wouldn't it be a very different world if the most frequent question was "What has the Christmas story taught you this year?" instead. Perhaps people would put themselves in the shoes of the wise men, the shepherds, the inn-keeper, the angels, or some other character bringing something to the table (gifts, adoration, a stable, good news) instead of walking away with more stuff.

Now, I'm not opposed to stuff - I love my stuff. But, when it becomes the focus of a holiday that should make us reflect on the humble beginnings of our Savior, I think we should reassess.