Irony.

I'm not absolutely certain if this counts as irony. I thought I understood it, and then people talk about how what we call ironic isn't really, and then there's hipsters and everything's ironic with them and it's just confusing.

Anyways, I just realized today that the two girls I have been serious about both rejected me for a guy named David. That makes me laugh.

I better watch out if my next girlfriend is close friends with a David.

Honesty.

Honesty means a lot to me. It's one of my most-valued virtues. I think it's cause, to me, honesty and trust go hand in hand. And when I say honesty, I really mean brutal honesty. The kind where you hold nothing back. I'd rather know the truth and feel a little hurt now than hear a lie or half-truth and find out the real truth later.

It's also cause of how I was raised. My parents didn't want to lie to me. I never believed in Santa Claus for that very reason. I don't remember a heartbreaking moment when I found out he wasn't real because I was never told he was real.


I meant for this to be more than "honesty is a big deal to me", but that's kinda how it turned out. Maybe I'll add to it later if I think of more.

Interrogation.

You may or may not know this about me, (you probably do if you've read any of this so far) but I don't mind answering pretty much any question. I don't feel like it's an interrogation or invasion of my privacy. You can ask me anything and I will happily answer.

At the same time, I don't generally offer up information about myself. I feel like volunteering to say anything about myself when there is a group of people that are talking is like saying that what I'm about to say is more important than whatever they were about to say, and I rarely feel that way. So, I tend to be quiet in groups.

Anyways, don't be shy to ask me about life. Ask me about my family. Ask me about my struggles. Ask me about where I find joy. Ask me anything, deep or shallow, and I assure you'll get a straight, true (I have a thing with honesty. I'll write about it sometime. Or you could ask me about it.) answer and get to know that much better.

A faded picture.

I really like relationships. Most any relationship, really. Brothers, sisters, friends, best-friends, father-son, mother-daughter, boyfriend-girlfriend, or husband-wife. I take great delight in them. Even when it isn't my own, I get excited. If I see a father taking his son out for ice cream, it makes me happy. That's a relationship working well. If I see a boyfriend do something special for his girlfriend, the same thing happens. It's a relationship working how it was meant to. How God meant for it to.

God built us to be relational beings, and try as we might to deny that and live independently, we know it. We desperately avoid loneliness. We may enjoy being alone occasionally, but we can't survive without other people in our lives.

The ultimate expression of this is in our relationship with God. Everything else is a reflection. An imitation. But that's why I enjoy them so much. I look at earthly relationships and think to myself "Hey! Look at that! That's what it's like with God!! Look how awesome it is! Do you see how much they love each other? It's even better with God!" Our relationships here are only a faded, torn, wrinkled, out-of-focus, black and white picture of our relationship with God, but I think that's a worthy thing to be excited about because it's such a great thing with him, that even the faded, torn, wrinkled, out-of-focus, black and white picture is pretty magnificent.

But, the problem is when I start getting so excited for relationships here that I get too busy to actually pursue one with God.

It's like I'm too caught up staring at this faded picture I'm holding to realize that the real thing is standing right in front of me, waiting and hoping I'll look up and notice Him.

Goodbye.

I need a lesson in how to leave places. I'm very awkward at it. I never know when conversation is dying or if it is just at a lull. Or when it is acceptable to leave when I have nothing to do. I especially am not good at farewell phrases. If I say bye and then we talk some more, I feel like I need a new phrase, and I always stumble over my words. The other day I told someone good luck for that reason. They weren't doing anything they needed luck-wishing for. I was just stumbling for a new phrase (I had gone through several already) and that slipped out.

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Me.

I like to be in control. I realized that the other day. I don't like being in control for the sake of power, but because somewhere inside me, I feel like I'm better at x and so I can assure the best outcome if I'm in control. And, if I can't assure the best outcome, at least, since I'm in charge, I know what to expect. There's nothing that terrifies me more than not knowing what to expect.

Tim Barnes.

Tim was my junior high youth pastor, my senior high youth pastor for a year or so, and has been a great friend ever since. I've met with him pretty regularly over the past three years to just talk about life. Tonight, I was able to talk with him on the phone and share about this past semester. It made my day, to say the least. I truly appreciate him and his encouragement.

Diversity.

Does it really matter? I know some friends who seem to think that lack of diversity is something to be concerned about. But I'm not sure I agree. I feel like groups of people hang out based on common interests. Oftentimes, it happens that shared interests are shared by people of the same ethnic or racial background. So, in a way, people segregate themselves, only it isn't based on race, it's based on interests. And, if you make a group diverse, then it becomes unnatural and forced, and I think that's worse than a natural lack of diversity.

So when is it a problem? I think it becomes a problem when it is based on race, ethnicity, social standing, wealth, etc. Then, it really is segregation. Also, I think it's a problem when it becomes exclusive. The groups I know that seem to lack diversity aren't opposed to welcoming in anyone. When people start getting rejected, it starts becoming an issue.

What do you think? Is diversity to be sought after?