Josh Mapstead died two and a half weeks ago. He was 19. He was a friend of mine. We used to hang out and once went and played paintball. But, as a result of various disorders, life didn't seem worth living to him anymore.
A lot of people had a lot to say about Josh, and that bothered me. I don't have much of anything to say. Usually, I think that's better. Sometimes, I think, simply sitting in silence is best.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I apologize.
The background got changed one day when I was messing with stuff and I haven't taken the time to undo it.
*Update: I fixed the blog so it looks nice!
*Update: I fixed the blog so it looks nice!
There's one box...
...that I never unpacked after I got home from college. "Why not?" you may ask. Well, there is a bundle of letters in that box. All from this one person (you already know who it is, so why am I not being forward about it? I dunno). But I couldn't handle seeing them. They connect me to another time that I miss dearly and I couldn't take another reminder. Today, I'm alright with them - as a bundle. Yet, I still cannot take a letter out and read it. That would still hurt too much. I'm too emotionally attached to this person.
I talked to my former youth pastor on Monday about how emotionally attached I am and how I should deal with that coming into my sophomore year of college. Because, I feel like I could wait for a year and hope that being in the same place again will bring back what was. But that's dumb. I could date someone else this year. But I'm so emotionally attached still that it wouldn't be fair to this new girlfriend. I wouldn't be invested in the relationship. So that leaves me with doing nothing - but that feels a whole lot like my first option, unless I'm looking for a relationship, and then it starts to feel a whole lot like my second option. My pastor's advice: pray about it. It's been a healthy relationship that could continue in the future if it's God's will. But, if it isn't, it's still been a good relationship that's helped me become who I am today. And God will give me the wisdom to discern if only I ask. The Bible promises that exactly. It probably won't be tomorrow, and maybe not even the next day, but God will give me the wisdom. So let's see where it goes. I'm as much nervous as I am excited about this school year.
I talked to my former youth pastor on Monday about how emotionally attached I am and how I should deal with that coming into my sophomore year of college. Because, I feel like I could wait for a year and hope that being in the same place again will bring back what was. But that's dumb. I could date someone else this year. But I'm so emotionally attached still that it wouldn't be fair to this new girlfriend. I wouldn't be invested in the relationship. So that leaves me with doing nothing - but that feels a whole lot like my first option, unless I'm looking for a relationship, and then it starts to feel a whole lot like my second option. My pastor's advice: pray about it. It's been a healthy relationship that could continue in the future if it's God's will. But, if it isn't, it's still been a good relationship that's helped me become who I am today. And God will give me the wisdom to discern if only I ask. The Bible promises that exactly. It probably won't be tomorrow, and maybe not even the next day, but God will give me the wisdom. So let's see where it goes. I'm as much nervous as I am excited about this school year.
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